Summer Movie Season: Part One

So another apparently shitty summer movie season is upon us.  The trend continues:  fewer films, bigger budgets, less creativity, less fun, more $ for a ticket, small loans now being offered at the concession stands just to get a fucking popcorn and drink, etc.  Yes, the popcorn summer movie season is alive and well! 

I'll be reviewing the flicks I see as I see them in small batches.  So let's get started.  Oh yeah, for the record I think the best summer for movies, ever, is like 1989.  Or maybe 1992.  I remember, I was there.  They were awesome.  1993 was pretty good too.  Summer movie seasons started getting consistently shitty around 1999 (thanks, George Lucas and your unbelievably disappointing THE PHANTOM MENACE!!!). 

First up, IRON MAN 2 aka THE REVENGE OF HARLEY DAVIDSON.  Don't worry if you don't get...it's a very obscure reference and a pretty unfunny stab at humor.  So, yeah, haven't seen it yet.  I've heard it's pretty shitty though.  The best thing I've heard about it is that the second hour picks up a bit.  So basically the first hour is a snorefest...how the fuck did they manage that?  The first IRON MAN was downright awesome as far as superhero films go with only perhaps THE DARK KNIGHT and the first SPIDER-MAN eclipsing it.  Neither is as good as SUPERMAN II on a pure entertainment level, but I digress.

I plan on seeing IRON MAN 2 but probably not in theatres.  Why should I spend $10 to see an inferior product?  Riddle me that.  Nobody is saying it's as good as the first let alone better.  So fuck you Hollywood, I'll give my hard-earned dollars to Netflix or Redbox.  I will say one thing about the movie:  looks like they picked a really lousy villain in Mickey Rourke.  He looks like an insane bum in it.  Wtf?  They should've had Tony go up against someone cool like Moon Knight.  I know, Moon Knight is a "good guy".  But so what?  All superheros don't need to get along.  And Moon Knight is fucking rad.

Rating not having seen it yet:  6/10
Best reason to see it:  Well, it's fucking Iron Man, man!  One of my fave superheroes.
Best reason not to see it:  No fucking Terrence Howard and Iron Man apparently fights a bum.  Yay.
How I rate the 2008 original:  9.1/10

Okay, onto..........ROBIN HOOD: THE ONE WITHOUT KEVIN COSTNER (Chinese bootleg title).

Nope, haven't seen that one either.  Looked good in preview form (even though nobody was dying to see another Robin Hood movie) but apparently it sucks from reliable sources.  I guess that doesn't surprise me given that Ridley Scott, who directed it, has a very spotty career overall.  For every awesome movie he's done (ALIEN), he's turned out a turd (G.I. JANE).  Russell Crowe can be a bad-ass but he can also be a complete douche.  I'm guessing he's douche-y in this one.  The biggest problem I have with this movie, other than not having seen it yet, is that it looks like a complete re-hash of GLADIATOR (which ruled) which of course is totally pointless.  I mean, the tone, the look, um, the damn leading actor...all identical!  What's the point?  Watch GLADIATOR for a tenth time and save yourself some money.  Ridley, it's time to do another ALIEN film.  Cut this shit out...

Rating not having seen it yet:  7.5/10
Best reason to see it:  Some cool battle scenes a la GLADIATOR and no Kevin Costner.
Best reason not to see it:  Russell Crowe and his sub-woofer-like low-frequency mumbling (kinda like Harrison Ford the last twenty years...wtf is that guy saying???).
How I rated the 1991 version in 1991:  8/10
How I rate the 1991 version now:  4/10

Music Review: ANGEL OF BABYLON and THE WICKED SYMPHONY by Avantasia

Big power metal fan here.  What's power metal?  Well, basically unpopular heavy metal originating (generally) outside the US.  And when I say unpopular, I mean in the US.  Power metal (a very broad term but basically any metal NOT of the Death, Black or Thrash alloys) is hugely popular around the world where people still have musical discernment and are not slaves to American Idol and corporate radio. 

Anyway, I generally like my metal heavy, melodic and positive.  Don't get me wrong, I like the Slayers and Dimmu Borgirs of the metal world as much as the next guy but the older I get the less I find myself listening to the more nihilistic persuasions of metal.  Maybe it's because the world is going to shit and the point of music (for me) is to escape the "real" and connect emotionally with something bigger and better than the as-is.  Or something like that.  At least for metal, that's where my head is.  So, naturally, I really enjoy both of Tobias Sammet's musical entities, Edguy (his first) and Avantasia (his most popular now).  The man is nothing if not prolific.

I'm not going to make any real distinction between his double-release of ANGEL OF BABYLON and THE WICKED SYMPHONY.  Both are bombastic, operatic, often heavy, sometimes quite lovely sonic platters filled with some brilliant songs as well as some that could have been scrapped.  But the good is really good.  The man is adept at the power ballad or the epic "suite"  a la Guns 'N' Roses' "November Rain".  "Runaway Train" is good example of what works really well here.  Ballad-like opening lasting two minutes replete with pensive lyrics:

"Goodbye...your pocket full of dreams

Your mind in a daze.

Keep on chasing rainbows.

Fly high

Leave the past behind

The dark road you take bears no escape."

Then builds into a moderately heavy, chuggy power metal verse:

"In a world of grand illusions

Where love is just a dream.

You gotta make your sacrifices

Time to pick your poison.

The fool is he who is noble minded

And bellies up to poverty.

He's not a king in the world of diamonds

Paling into oblivion."

Tobias has a whole host of guest appearances here as usual and it adds tremendously to the album in terms of variety, tone, pacing, etc.  I'm not exactly sure who's who when he's not singing but I know there are some big names involved like Klaus Meine of Scorpions fame (okay, I know when he's singing!).  Come verse time, it's usually Tobias belting it out:

"I lay down my soul for glory

I've given a life away.

Don't know if I am sorry

Blind me, blind me.

Don't know where I'll be going

I gotta get away.

From the pain of recollection

Drawn into the faint."

...getting everone ready for the big chorus which is usually an entire cast kind fo thing, effect usually a big poweful sound not unlike a cross between Queen and Def Leppard, the best of two somewhat divergent sounds:

"Hang on to a runaway train

No turning back

Tethered to a runaway train

Take me away

Torpedo in the wind and rain

No turning back

Hang on to a runaway train.

Take me away."

These are big, anthemic songs that, while they really don't make a lot of sense lyrically sometimes (Tobias is German), always impart a sense of epic hope amidst the somewhat melancholic bedrock.  Other similar tracks that work well here include "Blowing Out The Flame", "Alone I Remember", and "The Edge".

Really, there's exactly one album's worth of excellent material and another album's worth of good to medicore power metal and power ballads.  Both albums offer virtually the same experience but, without question, the crown jewel track here is "Runaway Train" so I give a slight edge to "The Wicked Symphony" overall.  Neither album hits the dizzying power metal heights of "The Metal Opera, Part II" or the power ballad peaks of "The Scarecrow" but, all in all, they offer a good macrocosm of the Avantasia experience.  Buy with confidence.

Rating, ANGEL OF BABYLON:  8.0
Rating, THE WICKED SYMPHONY:  8.4

On Boycotting Arizona Because of the New Immigration Law...

Hey, Los Angeles, Democratic National Convention, et al.:  grow the fuck up.  I'm also embarrassed that my favorite NBA team, the Suns, would stoop to such antics as renaming themselves "Los Suns" in a retarded display of solidarity with, um, I guess all the illegals in the country and their supporters.  I'm sure there's a ton of illegals at the typical Suns game since, you know, professional sporting events are so incredibly affordable for the masses let alone the unwashed, undocumented masses.  Robert Sarver, owner of the Suns, probably employs many, many illegals though so I guess it's his right to defend them.  Mr. Sarver, you are a douche. 

Note to liberals and the mainstream news media:  recent polls show that the majority of the country SUPPORTS Arizona in its bid to eliminate the growing problem of illegals sucking away at our decaying social and physical infrastructure whilst sending tax-free paychecks home to Mexico.  So, yeah, shut the fuck up and get a grip on reality.  If you're not an American with proof of citizenship, get the fuck out.  And don't let door hit you...