Summer Movie Season: Part One

So another apparently shitty summer movie season is upon us.  The trend continues:  fewer films, bigger budgets, less creativity, less fun, more $ for a ticket, small loans now being offered at the concession stands just to get a fucking popcorn and drink, etc.  Yes, the popcorn summer movie season is alive and well! 

I'll be reviewing the flicks I see as I see them in small batches.  So let's get started.  Oh yeah, for the record I think the best summer for movies, ever, is like 1989.  Or maybe 1992.  I remember, I was there.  They were awesome.  1993 was pretty good too.  Summer movie seasons started getting consistently shitty around 1999 (thanks, George Lucas and your unbelievably disappointing THE PHANTOM MENACE!!!). 

First up, IRON MAN 2 aka THE REVENGE OF HARLEY DAVIDSON.  Don't worry if you don't get...it's a very obscure reference and a pretty unfunny stab at humor.  So, yeah, haven't seen it yet.  I've heard it's pretty shitty though.  The best thing I've heard about it is that the second hour picks up a bit.  So basically the first hour is a snorefest...how the fuck did they manage that?  The first IRON MAN was downright awesome as far as superhero films go with only perhaps THE DARK KNIGHT and the first SPIDER-MAN eclipsing it.  Neither is as good as SUPERMAN II on a pure entertainment level, but I digress.

I plan on seeing IRON MAN 2 but probably not in theatres.  Why should I spend $10 to see an inferior product?  Riddle me that.  Nobody is saying it's as good as the first let alone better.  So fuck you Hollywood, I'll give my hard-earned dollars to Netflix or Redbox.  I will say one thing about the movie:  looks like they picked a really lousy villain in Mickey Rourke.  He looks like an insane bum in it.  Wtf?  They should've had Tony go up against someone cool like Moon Knight.  I know, Moon Knight is a "good guy".  But so what?  All superheros don't need to get along.  And Moon Knight is fucking rad.

Rating not having seen it yet:  6/10
Best reason to see it:  Well, it's fucking Iron Man, man!  One of my fave superheroes.
Best reason not to see it:  No fucking Terrence Howard and Iron Man apparently fights a bum.  Yay.
How I rate the 2008 original:  9.1/10

Okay, onto..........ROBIN HOOD: THE ONE WITHOUT KEVIN COSTNER (Chinese bootleg title).

Nope, haven't seen that one either.  Looked good in preview form (even though nobody was dying to see another Robin Hood movie) but apparently it sucks from reliable sources.  I guess that doesn't surprise me given that Ridley Scott, who directed it, has a very spotty career overall.  For every awesome movie he's done (ALIEN), he's turned out a turd (G.I. JANE).  Russell Crowe can be a bad-ass but he can also be a complete douche.  I'm guessing he's douche-y in this one.  The biggest problem I have with this movie, other than not having seen it yet, is that it looks like a complete re-hash of GLADIATOR (which ruled) which of course is totally pointless.  I mean, the tone, the look, um, the damn leading actor...all identical!  What's the point?  Watch GLADIATOR for a tenth time and save yourself some money.  Ridley, it's time to do another ALIEN film.  Cut this shit out...

Rating not having seen it yet:  7.5/10
Best reason to see it:  Some cool battle scenes a la GLADIATOR and no Kevin Costner.
Best reason not to see it:  Russell Crowe and his sub-woofer-like low-frequency mumbling (kinda like Harrison Ford the last twenty years...wtf is that guy saying???).
How I rated the 1991 version in 1991:  8/10
How I rate the 1991 version now:  4/10