Forget everything good I insinuated about Ti West and his directorial/writing abilities vis-a-vis THE HOUSE OF THE DEVIL. He clearly copied any number of early 80's horror films...probably got one of the shooting scripts...DP handbooks, etc. Why? Cuz CABIN FEVER 2 is a huge steaming pile of shit. I made it thirty minutes into this crude, disgusting, stupid film before I had to turn it off.
Btw, showing two high school kids (I'm assuming they are supposed to be under 18 in the movie) simulating oral sex....um, isn't that tantamount to selling kiddy p0rn? Well done, Ti. The cops should be showing up at any moment. Oh that's right, we live in Amerika...where double standards are the standard. Horrible film. Beware.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Rant: About Greece...
Aren't we splitting hairs here? I mean, really. Greece has got a debt problem and the world is all abuzz about how their debt situation is going to impact the EU and the rest of the world like a virus. Give me a break. Greece's debt situation is miniscule compared to the US's. If people are worried about Greece's situation, they should be fucking scared out of their minds about the massive implosion the US is trekking towards. In the meantime, just enjoy your falafel...
Monday, February 22, 2010
Overdue Music Review: DEATH MAGNETIC by Metallica
What a piece of shit. I thought I had thrown this album away a couple of days after buying it upon release in Sept. 2008. Yes, I foolishly thought all the hype about Metallica going back to their 80's heyday roots was accurate. Bullshit. They must have virally spread this rumor about a return to form. The only thing I can say positively about this album is that it's actually better than 2003's horrendous monstrosity known as ST. ANGER.
Talk about anger...that album made any legitimate fan mad as hell. Seriously, I listened to that sonic shitstorm twice and decided it had no business being within five miles of any CD player I owned. I thought about burning it but didn't want to waste the time.
Okay, so all I can say is this joke of an album is better than the last outing. But it's still far and away the second most disappointing album I have bought in the last, oh, seven years. Fucking Metallica. Retire already! Iron Maiden, please go kick their ass on behalf of all the fans of metal around the world.
Talk about anger...that album made any legitimate fan mad as hell. Seriously, I listened to that sonic shitstorm twice and decided it had no business being within five miles of any CD player I owned. I thought about burning it but didn't want to waste the time.
Okay, so all I can say is this joke of an album is better than the last outing. But it's still far and away the second most disappointing album I have bought in the last, oh, seven years. Fucking Metallica. Retire already! Iron Maiden, please go kick their ass on behalf of all the fans of metal around the world.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Film Review: THE HOUSE OF THE DEVIL
As far as modern horror goes, this is an excellent film. Mostly because it is thoroughly anachronistic in convention and intention. So obviously an homage to late 70's/early 80's horror, the film succeeds wildly at elements to good horror craft that are sorely lacking in modern horror: namely, characterization, story (kinda) and atmosphere. You know, those silly things.
The opening title sequence is so over-the-top "low-budget" that it's actually totally distracting and a generates a mild bias against the movie, at least initially. It's too overt and polished to work as anything other than a joke. But i certainly got the joke and so will just about anyone born after, say, 1990. Anyway, the look of the film is otherwise pretty authentic and the subtle (i think it was subtle...can't even remember now) score totally reminds me of those shitty but great horror classics like THE BURNING and THE BEAST WITHIN, just to name two that come to mind first. If you thought i was gonna say FRIDAY THE 13TH you're an idiot, go away.
The female lead -- look her up on imdb.com if you really wanna know who she is...I just know she's too skinny yet still pretty hot -- is really good. She and her best friend (in the story -- I don't know who she hangs with in real life) wear the right clothes and have the right hair styles so somebody's done their homework. I understand the director is in his twenties so obviously he needed to hire someone who was actually born in the 70's or maybe he just studied all the horror "artifacts"...either way works I suppose. I did feel that the Walkman she had was a bit premature for the time. Although the movie never says what year it takes place, it really looks like somewhere around 1981-'82 and the Walkman had only been widely available as of 1983, so it would have been prohibitively expensive for a college student. Sorry, I'm a stickler for continuity.
So anyway, the first hour of the film is almost entirely set-up and it works very effectively. People with short attention spans (ie., anyone born after 1990 again) will probably be bored out of their mind. Fuck them. They can go play video games or share nude pictures of their classmates (I hear that's big these days)...nobody cares what they think or enjoy anyway. There's a good plot surprise about 30 minutes into the story but otherwise it's a slow build to the climax. But once reached, the story moves like a freight train even if it's ultimately a little unsatisfying. Visually, the Satanic elements are quite impressive and even downright scary. I would have a little trouble watching this movie alone at night and if you have a problem with that, go fuck yourself. You're lying if you say you wouldn't get some chills yourself. It's a very satisfying and effective payoff for two-thirds of the ending. The last third is contrived and, um, way too hollywood-ish. A darker ending with more finality would have been far more powerful.
Overall, I highly recommend this flick. Along with THE UNINVITED, it's probably one of the best mainstream horror movies in recent memory. Of course, not much competition out there but, still, this is a very solid horror experience that any true fan of the genre should enjoy.
Rating: 8.5/10
The opening title sequence is so over-the-top "low-budget" that it's actually totally distracting and a generates a mild bias against the movie, at least initially. It's too overt and polished to work as anything other than a joke. But i certainly got the joke and so will just about anyone born after, say, 1990. Anyway, the look of the film is otherwise pretty authentic and the subtle (i think it was subtle...can't even remember now) score totally reminds me of those shitty but great horror classics like THE BURNING and THE BEAST WITHIN, just to name two that come to mind first. If you thought i was gonna say FRIDAY THE 13TH you're an idiot, go away.
The female lead -- look her up on imdb.com if you really wanna know who she is...I just know she's too skinny yet still pretty hot -- is really good. She and her best friend (in the story -- I don't know who she hangs with in real life) wear the right clothes and have the right hair styles so somebody's done their homework. I understand the director is in his twenties so obviously he needed to hire someone who was actually born in the 70's or maybe he just studied all the horror "artifacts"...either way works I suppose. I did feel that the Walkman she had was a bit premature for the time. Although the movie never says what year it takes place, it really looks like somewhere around 1981-'82 and the Walkman had only been widely available as of 1983, so it would have been prohibitively expensive for a college student. Sorry, I'm a stickler for continuity.
So anyway, the first hour of the film is almost entirely set-up and it works very effectively. People with short attention spans (ie., anyone born after 1990 again) will probably be bored out of their mind. Fuck them. They can go play video games or share nude pictures of their classmates (I hear that's big these days)...nobody cares what they think or enjoy anyway. There's a good plot surprise about 30 minutes into the story but otherwise it's a slow build to the climax. But once reached, the story moves like a freight train even if it's ultimately a little unsatisfying. Visually, the Satanic elements are quite impressive and even downright scary. I would have a little trouble watching this movie alone at night and if you have a problem with that, go fuck yourself. You're lying if you say you wouldn't get some chills yourself. It's a very satisfying and effective payoff for two-thirds of the ending. The last third is contrived and, um, way too hollywood-ish. A darker ending with more finality would have been far more powerful.
Overall, I highly recommend this flick. Along with THE UNINVITED, it's probably one of the best mainstream horror movies in recent memory. Of course, not much competition out there but, still, this is a very solid horror experience that any true fan of the genre should enjoy.
Rating: 8.5/10
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Film Review: EDGE OF DARKNESS
what a great movie. seriously, i was blown away by this one. Mel has taken a lot of heat lately and i think he's channeled all of that tension into a seething, subtle, authentically-human performance. i really feel it's the most impressive "mainstream" acting job i've seen all year. of course, nobody gives a shit cuz it's hip to hate Mel and the movie is getting largely panned by the critics. fuck them.
this is a terrific, mature film that combines political themes along with meditations on family and mortality in general. it's a pretty ambitious film and succeeds for the most part in achieving its goals. things get off to a somewhat slow start, so much so that i wondered if i had made a mistake shelling out my $6.75 (matinee of course) about 20 minutes into the proceedings. i mean, the beginning develops very slowly. but then i realized that, hey, this is what is called "character development", a concept somewhat foreign to the modern film-maker. you see, the idea is to actually establish a character as a real human being with real human vulnerabilities and complexities. i know, this is a strange concept in our current schizophrenic film-making world where the number of quick cuts in a scene usually outnumbers the actual words in the script. i get a migraine most of the time i visit the cineplex these days and that's probaby why i seldom go anymore. Michael Bay...fuck you and your horrible fucking TRANSFORMERS franchise. i wish illness upon you. okay, not really. but i hate you. you are part of the problem, pandering to what is clearly a foreign box-office when these things are green-lighted in h-town. or maybe it's just America. i mean, we are totally ADD, right? at least anyone under, say, 30 has the attention-span of a nanosecond.
anyway, back to Mel. he's great. tour-de-force great. his character evolves in shades of grey. it's wonderful to watch him become this shell of a man with nothing to lose but everything to believe in and therefore gain. his very existence and the core of his soul is defined by sudden loss. he finds himself caught up in an incredible conspiracy involving senators, corporate executives, average joes...all done with plausibility somehow. in fact, given our current state of far-reaching political and corporate corruption, it's pretty easy to see a story like this playing out routinely behind the scenes.
i won't even bother going into plot, mostly because (as you'll see moving forward) i don't talk plot. go read plot at imdb.com or Roger Ebert's site. i don't offer opinion on plot. i offer opinion on execution of plot. so Mel would fail miserably in selling this journey without a stellar supporting cast and that we get indeed. especially ray winstone. with one quarter the screen time of Mel, he delivers an equally complex and powerful performance as the anti-hero or greek chorus, whichever metaphor fits (i'm not good with metaphors).
anyway, i see no point in dragging out reviews. the movie is fucking good and if you don't think so you're an idiot or a liberal or both. fuck politics, you know this shit is going on right now with both Demoshats and Republicants right in the middle of it. we're fucked. might as well enjoy a really good drama.
Rating: 8.5/10
this is a terrific, mature film that combines political themes along with meditations on family and mortality in general. it's a pretty ambitious film and succeeds for the most part in achieving its goals. things get off to a somewhat slow start, so much so that i wondered if i had made a mistake shelling out my $6.75 (matinee of course) about 20 minutes into the proceedings. i mean, the beginning develops very slowly. but then i realized that, hey, this is what is called "character development", a concept somewhat foreign to the modern film-maker. you see, the idea is to actually establish a character as a real human being with real human vulnerabilities and complexities. i know, this is a strange concept in our current schizophrenic film-making world where the number of quick cuts in a scene usually outnumbers the actual words in the script. i get a migraine most of the time i visit the cineplex these days and that's probaby why i seldom go anymore. Michael Bay...fuck you and your horrible fucking TRANSFORMERS franchise. i wish illness upon you. okay, not really. but i hate you. you are part of the problem, pandering to what is clearly a foreign box-office when these things are green-lighted in h-town. or maybe it's just America. i mean, we are totally ADD, right? at least anyone under, say, 30 has the attention-span of a nanosecond.
anyway, back to Mel. he's great. tour-de-force great. his character evolves in shades of grey. it's wonderful to watch him become this shell of a man with nothing to lose but everything to believe in and therefore gain. his very existence and the core of his soul is defined by sudden loss. he finds himself caught up in an incredible conspiracy involving senators, corporate executives, average joes...all done with plausibility somehow. in fact, given our current state of far-reaching political and corporate corruption, it's pretty easy to see a story like this playing out routinely behind the scenes.
i won't even bother going into plot, mostly because (as you'll see moving forward) i don't talk plot. go read plot at imdb.com or Roger Ebert's site. i don't offer opinion on plot. i offer opinion on execution of plot. so Mel would fail miserably in selling this journey without a stellar supporting cast and that we get indeed. especially ray winstone. with one quarter the screen time of Mel, he delivers an equally complex and powerful performance as the anti-hero or greek chorus, whichever metaphor fits (i'm not good with metaphors).
anyway, i see no point in dragging out reviews. the movie is fucking good and if you don't think so you're an idiot or a liberal or both. fuck politics, you know this shit is going on right now with both Demoshats and Republicants right in the middle of it. we're fucked. might as well enjoy a really good drama.
Rating: 8.5/10
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Stupid Lists: Top 20 Heavy Metal Albums, 1980 -- Present
I'm a sucker for lists. I value my own opinion significantly more than most other opinions. If you're not famous or hold some kind of advanced degree (preferably a Phd.), chances are I think your opinion on most things is unimportant at best and downright worth of ridicule at worst. Just the way it is. Anyway, my maiden (haha!) "list" post is what I feel to be, and, remember, what I feel to be is in fact the only thing that matters here, the very best metal albums since, say, 1980. I could go as far back as the late 60's when Led Zeppelin and The Beatles (yes, The Beatles...check out "She's So Heavy") invented the music form.
So here goes... the twenty "best" (meaning: I like to listen to them a lot) metal albums since 1980...in no particular order except BRAVE NEW WORLD is hands-down the best metal album I own...Maiden stormed back like a real motherfucker...up the irons, et al.:
1. BRAVE NEW WORLD -- Iron Maiden, 2000
2. OPERATION: MINDCRIM -- Queensryche, 1988
3. COUNTDOWN TO EXTINCTION -- Megadeth, 1992
4. MASTER OF PUPPETS -- Metallica, 1986
5. RUST IN PEACE -- Megadeth, 1990
6. RAGE FOR ORDER -- Queensryche, 1986
7. ...AND JUSTICE FOR ALL -- Metallica, 1988
8. DRACONIAN TIMES -- Paradise Lost, 1995
9. BLACK ALBUM, Metallica, 1991
10. SEVENTH SON OF A SEVENTH SON -- Iron Maiden, 1988
11. APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION -- Guns N Roses, 1987
12. EMPIRE -- Queensryche, 1990
13. YOUTHANASIA -- Megadeth, 1994
15. PROJECTOR -- Dark Tranquility, 1999
16. MARCHING OUT -- Yngwie J. Malmsteen's Rising Force, 1985
17. THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST, Iron Maiden, 1982
18. DIRT -- Alice In Chains, 1992
19. TOXICITY -- SYSTEM OF A DOWN, 2001
20. NATURAL BORN CHAOS, Soilwork, 2002
Honorable mention: BLIZZARD OF OZ -- Ozzy, VULGAR DISPLAY OF POWER -- Pantera, LATERALUS -- Tool, PAINKILLER -- Judas Priest, REROUTE TO REMAIN -- In Flames, DAMAGE DONE -- Dark Tranquility, SEASONS IN THE ABYSS -- Slayer, RIDE THE LIGHTNING -- Metallica, POWERSLAVE -- Iron Maiden, CLAYMAN -- In Flames
So here goes... the twenty "best" (meaning: I like to listen to them a lot) metal albums since 1980...in no particular order except BRAVE NEW WORLD is hands-down the best metal album I own...Maiden stormed back like a real motherfucker...up the irons, et al.:
1. BRAVE NEW WORLD -- Iron Maiden, 2000
2. OPERATION: MINDCRIM -- Queensryche, 1988
3. COUNTDOWN TO EXTINCTION -- Megadeth, 1992
4. MASTER OF PUPPETS -- Metallica, 1986
5. RUST IN PEACE -- Megadeth, 1990
6. RAGE FOR ORDER -- Queensryche, 1986
7. ...AND JUSTICE FOR ALL -- Metallica, 1988
8. DRACONIAN TIMES -- Paradise Lost, 1995
9. BLACK ALBUM, Metallica, 1991
10. SEVENTH SON OF A SEVENTH SON -- Iron Maiden, 1988
11. APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION -- Guns N Roses, 1987
12. EMPIRE -- Queensryche, 1990
13. YOUTHANASIA -- Megadeth, 1994
15. PROJECTOR -- Dark Tranquility, 1999
16. MARCHING OUT -- Yngwie J. Malmsteen's Rising Force, 1985
17. THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST, Iron Maiden, 1982
18. DIRT -- Alice In Chains, 1992
19. TOXICITY -- SYSTEM OF A DOWN, 2001
20. NATURAL BORN CHAOS, Soilwork, 2002
Honorable mention: BLIZZARD OF OZ -- Ozzy, VULGAR DISPLAY OF POWER -- Pantera, LATERALUS -- Tool, PAINKILLER -- Judas Priest, REROUTE TO REMAIN -- In Flames, DAMAGE DONE -- Dark Tranquility, SEASONS IN THE ABYSS -- Slayer, RIDE THE LIGHTNING -- Metallica, POWERSLAVE -- Iron Maiden, CLAYMAN -- In Flames
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Rant: Fuck Bailouts.
seriously, what is wrong with the world? that's a rhetorical question of course.
but even accepting that the world is a deeply flawed and fallen place, the lunacy circling the globe with regard to bailouts is growing increasingly hard to rationalize in the absence of a true global conspiracy to, presumably, usher in some new world order. enough of the fuckin' bailouts. nobody i know wants to bailout Citibank let alone entire nations because of their stupidity/greed/avarice/pick-your-poison. we're in real trouble when only the germans seem to understand the problems with a bailout of greece, spain, et. al.
all a bailout does is redistribute wealth at the future expense of the masses. the masses couldn't possibly endorse this, ergo our fearless leaders -- whether they be in the US, Europe, wherever -- are acting in total rogue self-interest. it's like a sick hybrid of socialism and capitalism combining the very worst tendencies of both. and look, i understand the importance of maintaining some kind of industrial base in the US (GM and Chrysler) as hopelessy non-competitive as it might be, but i could care less about the financial division of GM, GMAC, and any other financial institution that has not only been the architects of our collective demise but continue to act in such a fasion. fuck them.
all you politicians that keep pushing this bullshit: you are on thin ice. and i don't mean re-election thin ice. i mean, you are seriously fucking with your safety. that is not a threat as i do not believe in any kind of violence except for immediate physical self-defense. but there are plenty of others out there that do. and our govenments from the US to the EU are increasingly taking away their options.
just fucking cut it out. seriously.
but even accepting that the world is a deeply flawed and fallen place, the lunacy circling the globe with regard to bailouts is growing increasingly hard to rationalize in the absence of a true global conspiracy to, presumably, usher in some new world order. enough of the fuckin' bailouts. nobody i know wants to bailout Citibank let alone entire nations because of their stupidity/greed/avarice/pick-your-poison. we're in real trouble when only the germans seem to understand the problems with a bailout of greece, spain, et. al.
all a bailout does is redistribute wealth at the future expense of the masses. the masses couldn't possibly endorse this, ergo our fearless leaders -- whether they be in the US, Europe, wherever -- are acting in total rogue self-interest. it's like a sick hybrid of socialism and capitalism combining the very worst tendencies of both. and look, i understand the importance of maintaining some kind of industrial base in the US (GM and Chrysler) as hopelessy non-competitive as it might be, but i could care less about the financial division of GM, GMAC, and any other financial institution that has not only been the architects of our collective demise but continue to act in such a fasion. fuck them.
all you politicians that keep pushing this bullshit: you are on thin ice. and i don't mean re-election thin ice. i mean, you are seriously fucking with your safety. that is not a threat as i do not believe in any kind of violence except for immediate physical self-defense. but there are plenty of others out there that do. and our govenments from the US to the EU are increasingly taking away their options.
just fucking cut it out. seriously.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Music Review: DEAR LOVER by Matthew Ryan
okay, let me preface this review by saying that i am a HUGE matthew ryan fan. the first album by him i bought was 2000's EAST AUTUMN GRIN which was a brilliant fucking album. probably one of my five or ten best of the decade. i dont feel he's matched the quality of that sophomore album (his debut is equally fucking awesome) since then but he's come very close (2006's FROM A LATE NIGHT HIGHRISE). and even his last album, 2008's MATTHEW RYAN VS. THE SILVER STATE, had some brilliant moments despite his desire to assert (for some reason) some garagey persona that doesn't suit him.
anyway, i have a really high opinion of him as an artist. but this album falls prey to the tendency he revealed on FROM A LATE NIGHT HIGHRISE to utilize a very predominant casio-esque keyboard element to the nth degree and thereby annoy the shit out of me. i mean i get it: he used to have the benefit of a fairly major label to provide studio musicians (i assume) and a generous production budget (never underestimate the value of a really good producer). i understand the contraints he's under as an independent artist. but, still, way too much cheap keys. or at the least they sound like cheap keys. so the album fails miserably from a production standpoint.
the songs are generally weak when compared to his previous, amazing body of work. i'm talking lyrics and arrangements. very simplistic and overly verbose/repititious. there is one truly great track here, however -- "some streets lead nowhere". the song has lyrical depth, a dramatic musical build-up and crescendo...just a great fucking song. one of his twenty best tracks if i was counting (yeah, his past work is that impressive). it really stands out on an otherwise unexceptional album. don't get me wrong, the typical artist would be very happy to have written these songs. they are good generally speaking (except "ps"...what a stoopid song) but not at all noteworthy or memorable when you compare them to all the other great songs this guy has written.
i dunno, maybe my view of this album is being colored by my sudden hatred (not really) for mr. ryan. you see, my ex has this annoying sychophanthic fascination with this fucker. before we finally broke up, she was down on her knees at every post he made on Facebook. drove me nuts. what a douche. both of them.
anyway, this is a pretty good album by most measures and you probably will enjoy it quite a bit. but given the previous work he's done, it's a big disappointment. at least for me. whatever. go buy it.
Rating: 5/10 (in relative terms)...8/10 in absolute terms. go figure...
p.s. -- i think this album should re-titled DEAR LOVER, I HATE YOU. just my opinion...
anyway, i have a really high opinion of him as an artist. but this album falls prey to the tendency he revealed on FROM A LATE NIGHT HIGHRISE to utilize a very predominant casio-esque keyboard element to the nth degree and thereby annoy the shit out of me. i mean i get it: he used to have the benefit of a fairly major label to provide studio musicians (i assume) and a generous production budget (never underestimate the value of a really good producer). i understand the contraints he's under as an independent artist. but, still, way too much cheap keys. or at the least they sound like cheap keys. so the album fails miserably from a production standpoint.
the songs are generally weak when compared to his previous, amazing body of work. i'm talking lyrics and arrangements. very simplistic and overly verbose/repititious. there is one truly great track here, however -- "some streets lead nowhere". the song has lyrical depth, a dramatic musical build-up and crescendo...just a great fucking song. one of his twenty best tracks if i was counting (yeah, his past work is that impressive). it really stands out on an otherwise unexceptional album. don't get me wrong, the typical artist would be very happy to have written these songs. they are good generally speaking (except "ps"...what a stoopid song) but not at all noteworthy or memorable when you compare them to all the other great songs this guy has written.
i dunno, maybe my view of this album is being colored by my sudden hatred (not really) for mr. ryan. you see, my ex has this annoying sychophanthic fascination with this fucker. before we finally broke up, she was down on her knees at every post he made on Facebook. drove me nuts. what a douche. both of them.
anyway, this is a pretty good album by most measures and you probably will enjoy it quite a bit. but given the previous work he's done, it's a big disappointment. at least for me. whatever. go buy it.
Rating: 5/10 (in relative terms)...8/10 in absolute terms. go figure...
p.s. -- i think this album should re-titled DEAR LOVER, I HATE YOU. just my opinion...
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